i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
