Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
