No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
