I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
