Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
