I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
