How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
