At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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