I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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