You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
