so explain again why im purple
no
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
