I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
