Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
