Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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