Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
