I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
