Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
