And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize