I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
