She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
COCAINE IS GR8
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
