You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
