This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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