you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
