i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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