I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
