Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
