angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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