You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize