Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
