no, he came in my armpit
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
