The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
