I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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