My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
