she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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