i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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