oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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