i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
