normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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