Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am naked and annoyed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
