ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
