This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
