Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
