Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
