Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
