We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
