I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize