Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
