note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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