At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
