You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
