my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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