I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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