a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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