My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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