don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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