hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
