thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
