yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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