Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize