The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
