I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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