I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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