you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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